Walking Out Isaiah 43:18-19 (By: Dana Lewis)

“Remember not the former things,
    nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?…” (Isaiah 43:18-19, ESV)

Today I shared my opinion – my answer to this question posted in one of my MS Support groups.

Take a look. Take the journey with me. Truly, a person does not have to be dealing with MS in order to have bouts with depression. Just being born makes us susceptible to occasional battles with depression. It’s called being HUMAN.

————————————————————–

YES!!!!!!! 😔😔😔😔

And the guilt from that just deepens the feeling of depression. I know I should be grateful and I should not look back to what was, but I feel so bad for not having the ability to control what was/is completely out of my control. Depression, weight gain, insomnia, maintaining relationships, my vision, mobility, hearing and speech challenges, I often forget this is all due to the fact that I am an MS Warrior Queen. My Gurlz help me find peace and balance in the truth that this is all due to the fact that I am battling MS, daily. If my children can have patience with me, why can’t I have patience with myself?

I often focus on everything I’ve lost and forget to count my blessings and recall to myself the things I’ve gained in my fight against MS. I forget to tell myself how strong I am. I often put myself down for having experienced such a horrible interruption to my life. How was I supposed to stop it or control it? It happened! Now I have to figure out how to still strive to be the best me I can be. #eveninthis

It’s very hard to stay strong, positive and remain as one of my very best friend to myself. I often forget to tell myself I’m STILL beautiful, brilliant, confident, bold, desirable – A TRULY ONE OF KIND – A ONE IN A MILLION ALL-TIME BEST EXPERIENCE.

I have found myself recalling my glory days in conversation with friends who knew me when…

I tend to focus on the lack – everything I’m not or I no longer am capable of doing/being due to all the changes which accompany my MS symptoms. It’s a very strange exchange.

Part of me feels guilty for not looking or feeling sicker – more MS stricken when I’m pushing and pressing my way through my day, and another part of me feels guilty for being too incapable and dependent on others. MS is NO JOKE. It truly messes with our minds, our self-esteem, our sense of worth and our ability to change our negative self-talk into more positively TRUE self-talk.

Again, very, very strange journey. One end of it I feel overqualified to meet this challenge of carrying MS well ~Living my best life well, as is~ and on the other end I feel very under qualified- seen as weak and unworthy, because I am living with MS.

Oh how I desire to feel normal, again, but honestly, did I ever really feel normal? Long before being diagnosed with MS I struggled with wanting to feel accepted, liked, loved and to know I wasn’t that much different from others. I wanted to have balance with myself and my life. I just wanted to be normal. I’ve never felt normal until MS came and interrupted my life. Honestly, this is the most “normal” I have ever felt in my life.

OUR Emotions lie and confuse us.

Strange how we can feel two ways at the very same time. So very, very strange. Smh. However, we must keep finding ways and reasons to keep getting up, keep giving thanks and to keep on the journey. Giving up is not an option. Daily choosing to stay the course is our option and our right to live our best life in peace.

This is why I choose to stay connected to some MS support groups on Facebook. It gives me great sense of peace knowing ~I’m not the only one~ going through this and that, feeling or thinking this and that, nor am I crazy for experiencing low points and changes in my mood throughout my day. I’m apart of a great community. We’re not misfits. We’re simply human and we’re our kind of beautiful. 🌸🌸🌸

We have something no other person who isn’t fighting MS has – we have the opportunity every single day to look in the mirror and remind ourselves what we GET TO DO TODAY. “Today, I GET THE PRIVILEGE OF SHOWING MS HOW STRONG I REALLY AM.”

Everyday remind MS what we get to do – I GET TO KICK MS’s ass!

I GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO LIMP FROM HERE TO THERE. I GET TO REST IN MY BED WHEN I FEEL TOO FATIGUED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE. I GET TO TO LISTEN TO MY BOOK AUDIBLY WHEN MY EYES ARE TOO WEAK TO READ. I GET TO CHOOSE TO NOT ANSWER CALLS DURING THE HOURS I HAVE RESERVED FOR MY QUIET TIME. TODAY, I GET TO CHOOSE TO VEER OFF MY HEALTH PLAN AND TREAT MYSELF TO THE FOOD OF MY CHOICE. I GET TO EAT AS MUCH OR AS LITTLE AS I DESIRE.

I GET TO CHOOSE WHEN I WANT TO WORKOUT AND HOW MUCH TIME I CHOOSE TO SPEND IN THE GYM, IN THE PARK OR ALONG THE TRAIL.

IT’S TOTALLY UP TO ME. I GET TO CHOOSE TO BE GUILT-FREE WHEN I AM NOT WORKING AT MY OPTIMUM BEST. I GET TO SAVE PART OF MY WORK LOAD FOR A LATER TIME. I GET TO TO DEPEND ON SOMEONE STRONGER THAN MYSELF. I GET TO CHOOSE TO ATTEND THIS EVENT OR NOT. I GET TO DECIDE WITH MY DOCTORS/SPECIALISTS WHICH TREATMENTS WORK BEST FOR ME. I GET TO CHOOSE WHETHER OR NOT I WANT TO PARTICIPATE OR NOT (TO DEFEND MY BELIEFS OR JUST WALK AWAY RESPECTING THE FACT THAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT BELIEFS FROM MY OWN.) I GET TO CHOOSE IF I WANT TO PARTICIPATE IN ANOTHER PERSON’S CRAZY OR NOT, ESPECIALLY DEALING WITH FAMILY AND CLOSE FRIENDS. 🤪

AND SHOULD I FALL, I GET TO PICK MYSELF RIGHT BACK UP OR RECEIVE THE HELP FROM THOSE SENT TO HELP ME STAND UP, AGAIN. EVERY SINGLE DAY I GET TO CHOOSE HOW I PLAN TO SHOW UP AND SHOULD I CHOOSE NOT TO SHOW UP AS STRONG AS I HAVE BEEN IN THE PAST THAT IS OKAY, TOO! YES!! THAT IS OKAY, TOO!

Look at ALL I get to do, MS!! ~THANK YOU, MS~ You’ve shown me how hard I am to beat. Lmbo! I’m impossible to stop, to sink and to scare MS, and you’ve found out, I was the wrong one to pick on, boo! ~YOU’RE WELCOME~ 😁

It’s such an awesome feeling sticking it to MS. Lmbo!!! Stay encouraged. Truly, we may have MS, but it will never have us. Never. The feelings of doubt, depression and so on – these too shall pass. Keep your head up, MS Warrior fam. We’re stronger than MS. 🦋🦋🦋

EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE I GET TO SHARE MY STORY OF POWER OF CHOICE, STRENGTH AND MY ABILITY TO MAKE MY LIFE COUNT IN ANY FORM I CHOOSE. EVERYDAY I GET TO WALK IT LIKE I TALK IT ~ IN THE MANNERS THAT ARE BEST FOR ME.

Despite how I feel from time to time, I have to admit I live well. I have a wonderful life.

This is why I stay ~Young & Free~ 🌟🌟🌟

I keep choosing MYSELF even over how I sometimes feel about myself and my position in life. Not even MS can change this.

(With and/or without MS)

I STILL CHOOSE ME!

4 thoughts on “Walking Out Isaiah 43:18-19 (By: Dana Lewis)

    • This means soooooo much to me, Brubby!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! You always make my heart light shine a little brighter when you enjoy the reading. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. All my love!!
      Your bratty baby sis,
      (Giggles…) 🙃
      DanaL🌸
      Aka: “SnootyBooty Lucy”
      Lmbo! 🤪😜😛😋🤩😏🥰😘😉😎

      Like

    • Many, many thanks, Sister for taking the time to read and share in this with me. It gives me more reason to keep pressing my way forward knowing I am not walking this out alone. Having you here as a support truly, truly adds to my journey with MS. If my steps help others in their fight to keep showing up and remain present – then my purpose, my struggle, my fight – MY LIVING IS NOT IN VAIN. 🦋🦋🦋 Thank you, again! Giggles… Feel free to subscribe to my blog and stay informed of new posts in the future. All my love.
      DanaL.🌸

      Like

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